Kulezi zinsuku, kubonakala sengathi noma ubani othanda noma yini ulahla amagama athi “kink” kanye “fetish.”
“Impela ngiyayithanda i-ayisikhilimu,” abanye bangase basho ngemva kokuzitika ngama-dessert obisi alandelanayo.
Yingakho sihlanganise lo mhlahlandlela ochazayo ngama-kinks nama-fetishes. Ngezansi, qhubeka ufunda ukuze uthole incazelo yokuthi iyini i-kink nokuthi iyini i-fetish—kanye nokuqonda kokuthi ungahlola kanjani ama-kinks nama-fetishes angaba khona.
I-kink yinoma yini edlula imingcele evamile yalokho umphakathi okubheka njengobulili “obuvamile” futhi evusa isifiso sobulili.
Ngenxa yokuthi lokho okwakha i-kink kuncike ekutheni indawo yakho yezenhlalo ijwayelekile noma cha, kuncike kakhulu ezintweni ezahlukahlukene, okuhlanganisa:
Ngakho-ke, isibonelo, umuntu olalela kakhulu umculo we-country (ngaphandle kokufaka izingxoxo eziningi kakhulu ze-anal) angase abone ukujabulela kwakhe ucansi lwe-anal njengento ecasulayo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abantu abangoma yabo abayithandayo ethi “Truffle Butter” bangase bacabange ukuthi uthando lwabo lwe-anal luyinto abayithandayo.
Lokho kusho ukuthi uma umuntu ethi uyaxaka, kufanele ubuze imininingwane ukuze wazi ukuthi lokho kusho ukuthini. Vele, akufanele ubuze ~noma ubani nje~ umbuzo wakho siqu.
“Iziphambeko ezivame kakhulu mhlawumbe ukubusa nokuzithoba, ukuboshwa kanye nokuhlukunyezwa ngokobulili (yilokho okumelelwa yizinhlamvu ku-BDSM),” kusho umdubuli wezocansi kanye nomfundisi wezocansi uKenneth Play, womphakathi wamazwe ngamazwe onesifiso socansi iHacienda Villa.
Ngokusho kwesazi sezocansi uDkt. Carol Queen wenkampani yamathoyizi ocansi iGood Vibrations, kunezincazelo ezithile ezamukelekayo zama-fetish.
“Njengamanje, abafundisi bezocansi abavamile ukuchaza izifebe njengokuthi kumele zibe yingxenye yocansi,” kusho uQueen. “Esikhundleni salokho, incazelo ebuyekeziwe ithi izifebe ziyizinto ezivuselelayo zobulili.”
Isibonelo, umuntu onezinwele ezibomvu angase akwazi (futhi ajabulele!) ukulala nomuntu ongenazo izinwele ezibomvu, kusho yena. “Kodwa izinwele ezibomvu zisakhethekile futhi zisivumela ukuthi sizizwele izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ngendlela enamandla kakhulu kunangesikhathi zingekho,” echaza.
UTyler Sparks, umfundisi wezithombe zocansi kanye nomsunguli we-Organic Loven, enye yezitolo ezinkulu kakhulu ze-inthanethi eziphethwe yi-BIPOC, uthi umehluko ngezinye izikhathi uchazwa njengomehluko phakathi kwezidingo (ama-fetishes) kanye nezintandokazi (ama-kinks).
“Othile uthole ukuthi ukugqoka izithende eziphakeme ngesikhathi socansi kubangela injabulo,” kusho yena. “Kodwa labo okudingeka bagqoke izithende eziphakeme ngesikhathi socansi ukuze bavukwe yimizwa banezithende eziphakeme.”
Ngezinye izikhathi lo mehluko uchazwa njengomehluko phakathi kokuvukwa ngokuqondile yisenzo esithile socansi, indawo, noma amandla (ukucasuka) kanye nokuvukwa ngqo yinto, impahla, noma ingxenye yomzimba engeyona eyesitho sangasese (isitho sangasese).
Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi into ethile iyisiwula noma iyisithutha, ungase uzibuze imibuzo ethile:
Impela. Cishe unesithukuthezi kanye nesifiso sobulili. Noma kokubili. Ungase ube nezinsuku ezithile ezizwakala sengathi ziyisithukuthezi, kanti ezinye zizwakala sengathi ziwuthando.
“Ukuhlola kokubili kuhilela ukuvuleleka ezindabeni zobulili ezingcolile, ukwethembeka ngalokho okubaluleke ngempela nokuthola ushintsho, ngezinye izikhathi ukubhekana nehlazo lokuba ohlukile, nokuqaphela ukuthi lokhu kudlala kanjani empilweni yakho kanye nobulili lapho abalingani abangaba khona bedlala indima ekuziphatheni,” kusho yena.
“Kwabanye abantu, ukububula kwabo nokububula kwabo kusobala kancane,” kusho uPlay. “Uma, isibonelo, ehlobo lentsha yakho, ungakwazi ukuzibamba kodwa ubheke izinyawo zabo bonke abantu abagqoke izimbadada, futhi uzizwe uthukuthele ngenxa yokubona izinyawo, uzobona ngokwemvelo ukuthi uyazithanda izinyawo.”
Okwamanje, kwabanye, ukukhohlisa noma isifiso sobulili kungaba yinto abayitholayo ngokuhlola izinto, njengezithombe zobulili ezingcolile, ama-movie, noma isithandwa esisha esibaveza ezintweni ezintsha. Uma uhlangabezana nezinto ezintsha, uthola zonke izinhlobo zezinto ngalokho okuthandayo nokungakuthandi, kusho yena.
Uma usekhempini yokugcina futhi ufuna ukufunda kabanzi ngemikhuba yakho engavamile kanye nezithombe zobulili ezingcolile, lawa macebiso azokusiza.
“Kukhona ukuhlolwa kwamahhala ku-inthanethi, okubizwa ngokuthi ukuhlolwa kwe-BDSM, okungakusiza ufunde kabanzi ngezinto onesithakazelo kuzo,” kusho uSparks. “Kuyindawo enhle yokuqala.”
Faka ukuziphatha okuhlukahlukene, amalungiselelo, izindawo, kanye nezinto ohlwini lwamakholomu ngokusekelwe entshisakalweni yakho yokuzama, futhi uhlu oluthi “yebo-cha-mhlawumbe” lungakusiza ukuthi ubone izinto ezivusa umzimba wakho.
Kunezinhlu ezahlukene ze-Yebo-Cha-Mhlawumbe ku-inthanethi. Kodwa ukuze uthole izinto ezikujabulisayo nezikucasulayo, kungcono ukuba nolunye olunebhange phansi, njengalolu oluvela ku-Bex Talks.
“Njenganoma yikuphi okuhlangenwe nakho kwabantu, izinto nezimo ziyashintsha,” kusho yena. “Ngezinye izikhathi izinto ezikujabulisayo eminyakeni yakho yama-20 azinazo izikhangiso ezifanayo. Kodwa njengoba siqaphela kakhulu imizimba nezifiso zethu, ngoba abantu banesithakazelo ngokwemvelo, sifuna okuhlangenwe nakho okuhlukile.”
Kusukela kumavidiyo ezocansi kuya kumafilimu ezocansi abhaliwe, izinkundla eziku-inthanethi kuya kumapulatifomu okuxoxa, i-inthanethi igcwele amathuba okufunda kabanzi mayelana nezithombe zakho zobulili ezingcolile.
“Vakashela isayithi lezithombe zocansi, njengeRoyal Fetish Films, ukuze uthole ithuba lokubona isenzo sakho sokuzikhukhumeza,” kusho yena. “Enye isayithi lokuzikhukhumeza yiFetLife, isayithi lezokuxhumana elinobufebe nelinobufebe. Lapho uzothola abantu abaningi abanjengawe abahlolayo, abanolwazi kanye/noma abaqeqeshwe.”
Uthi ngalezi zingosi, uzokwazi ukufunda izindaba zabo futhi mhlawumbe ubuze umqondisi weqembu umbuzo noma emibili mayelana nemikhuba yakho noma ukuthi bathole kanjani eyabo.
Ukuchitha isikhathi endaweni yakho yokunethezeka nendawo yokungakhululeki kungakusiza ukuthi uqonde kangcono ubulili bakho kanye nezifiso zakho zobulili, kusho uSparks.
“Ukwazi imingcele yakho kungakusiza ukuthi ubone ukuthi yini onesithakazelo sokuyihlola hhayi ukuthi yini,” kusho yena.
Lokho ozokufunda kuzohluka kuye ngezinto ezithile onesithakazelo sokuzihlola. Kodwa noma kunjalo: kuyinto edingekayo.
“Imfundo kumele iqale ngaphambi kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho, ikakhulukazi uma kukhulunywa nganoma yini ehilela ukudlala ngamandla, ubuhlungu, ukuzibamba, noma yini enye engase ibhekwe njengeyingozi,” kusho uPlay. Le mfundo ibalulekile ukugcina wena nomlingani wakho niphephile ngokomzimba, ngokomzwelo nangokomoya.
Ukuze afunde lolu hlobo, utusa ukuqasha uchwepheshe wezocansi—isibonelo, umfundisi wezocansi, uchwepheshe wezocansi, umgebengu wezocansi, noma isisebenzi socansi.
UQueen ugcizelela ukuthi abathengisa ngomzimba bazoba nolwazi oluningi kuzo zombili lezi zindawo, okwenza kube ukukhetha okuhle kakhulu kokuhlola ama-kink noma ama-fetish angaba khona okokuqala.
“Ochwepheshe bangase babe nolwazi olwengeziwe mayelana nezinkinga ezahlukahlukene, futhi kulula ukukhuluma nokuxoxisana nabo, futhi kungaba njengendawo yokuhlola ubulili bakho,” usho kanje.
Uma ungathanda ukuhlola nomlingani wakho, uthi kubalulekile ukukhetha umlingani okhululekile ukukhuluma naye — kanye nomlingani okhululekile ukukhuluma naye.
“Ngisho nangaphambi kokuba uhlanganyele ezinhlotsheni ezahlukene zemidlalo yocansi nomuntu, ungafunda ukuthi bakhululekile kangakanani ngokocansi, ukuthi kulula kangakanani ukuxhumana naye, nokuthi ngabe baveza izahlulelo mayelana nokukhetha kwabanye ngokocansi ukuze banqume ukuthi bayafanelana yini,” kusho yena.
Kungcono ukukhetha umlingani ojwayele ukuzizwa ekhululekile ngolimi lomzimba wakho (kanye nolunye ulimi) futhi ozimisele ukusebenza nawe ocwaningweni oludingekayo.
Ekugcineni, akunandaba ukuthi izinto ozithandayo ngokocansi zihlukaniswa njengezingcolile, ezingathandeki, noma cha! Kodwa hlola ukuthi yini ekulethela injabulo ngendlela ephephile, yamahhala nejabulisayo.
UGabrielle Kassel ungumlobi wezocansi nokuphila kahle oseNew York kanye nomqeqeshi we-CrossFit Level 1. Usengumuntu wasekuseni, ehlola ama-vibrator angaphezu kuka-200, edla, ephuza, exubha ngamalahle - konke lokhu egameni lobuntatheli. Ngesikhathi sakhe sokuphumula, angafunda izincwadi zokuzisiza kanye namanoveli othando, i-bench press noma i-pole dance. Mlandele ku-Instagram.
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