Muri iyi minsi, bisa nkaho umuntu wese ufite ubushake bwo gukora ikintu icyo ari cyo cyose arimo areka amagambo "kink" na "fetish".
Bamwe bashobora kuvuga bati: “Nta gushidikanya ko mfite ikibazo cyo kurya ice cream.”
Niyo mpamvu twashyizeho iyi nyandiko isobanura ku bijyanye n'ibiyobyabwenge n'ibihumyo. Hasi, komeza usome kugira ngo usobanure icyo ibihumyo ari cyo n'icyo ibihumyo ari cyo—ndetse n'uburyo bwo gusuzuma ibihumyo bishobora kubaho.
Igitsina ni ikintu cyose kirenga imipaka isanzwe y'icyo sosiyete ifata nk'imibonano mpuzabitsina "isanzwe" kandi kikabyutsa irari ry'imibonano mpuzabitsina.
Kubera ko ikintu kigize ikibazo giterwa nuko urwego rwawe rw'imibereho ari rusanzwe cyangwa atari rwo, gishingira cyane ku bintu bitandukanye, birimo:
Urugero, umuntu wumva umuziki wa country (udashyizemo amagambo menshi yo mu kibuno) ashobora kubona ko kwishimira imibonano mpuzabitsina mu kibuno ari ikintu giteye isoni. Ku rundi ruhande, abantu bakunda indirimbo yabo yitwa "Truffle Butter" bashobora gutekereza ko gukunda ikibuno ari byo bakunda.
Ibyo bivuze ko niba umuntu avuze ko ari umuntu udasanzwe, ugomba kubaza ibintu byihariye kugira ngo umenye icyo bivuze. Birumvikana ko udakwiye kubaza ~umuntu uwo ari we wese~ ikibazo cyawe bwite.
“Ibiyobyabwenge bikunze kugaragara cyane ni ugutegeka no kugandukira, ubucakara no kwicisha bugufi (ni byo inyuguti za BDSM zisobanura),” uyu ni Kenneth Play, umuhanga mu by’imibonano mpuzabitsina akaba n’umwarimu mu by’imibonano mpuzabitsina, washinze umuryango mpuzamahanga wa Hacienda Villa urangwa n’imibonano mpuzabitsina.
Nk’uko bivugwa n’inzobere mu by’igitsina Dr. Carol Queen wo mu sosiyete ikora ibikinisho by’imibonano mpuzabitsina yitwa Good Vibrations, hari ibisobanuro bimwe na bimwe byemewe by’ibiganiro by’imibonano mpuzabitsina.
“Kuri ubu, abigisha imibonano mpuzabitsina ntibakunze gusobanura ko ubusambanyi ari kimwe mu bigize imibonano mpuzabitsina,” Queen yagize ati. “Ahubwo, ibisobanuro bivuguruye bivuga ko ubusambanyi ari ibintu bishyushya cyane poronomu.”
Urugero, umuntu ufite isura y’umutuku ashobora kuba ashobora (kandi akishimira!) gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina n’umuntu udafite isura y’umutuku, nk’uko yabisobanuye. “Ariko isura y’umutuku iracyari yihariye kandi itwemerera gukora porunogarafiya mu buryo bukomeye cyane kurusha igihe itari ihari.”
Tyler Sparks, umwarimu w’ibikorwa byo guswera akaba n’uwashinze Organic Loven, imwe mu maduka manini yo kuri interineti acungwa na BIPOC, avuga ko itandukaniro rimwe na rimwe risobanurwa nk'itandukaniro riri hagati y'ibyo ukeneye (ibitotsi) n'ibyo ukunda (ibitotsi).
Yagize ati: “Hari umuntu wasanze kwambara inkweto ndende mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina bitera ibyishimo.” Ariko abakenera kwambara inkweto ndende mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina kugira ngo bagire ubushake bwo kuryamana bafite inkweto ndende.”
Hari igihe iri tandukaniro risobanurwa nk'itandukaniro riri hagati yo gukangurwa by'umwihariko n'igikorwa runaka cy'imibonano mpuzabitsina, aho umuntu aherereye, cyangwa impinduka (ikink) no gukangurwa by'umwihariko n'ikintu, ibintu, cyangwa igice cy'umubiri kitari icy'igitsina (fetish).
Niba ugerageza kumenya niba ikintu ari ikiyobyabwenge cyangwa ari ikinyoma, ushobora kwibaza ibibazo bimwe na bimwe:
Yego rwose. Birashoboka ko ufite igitsina giteye isoni n'ubupfumu. Cyangwa byombi. Ushobora kugira iminsi wumva umeze nk'aho uri umuntu udasanzwe, indi ukaba ukunda cyane.
Yagize ati: “Gushakisha byombi bikubiyemo kuba wemera ingendo z’urukozasoni, kuba inyangamugayo ku byo uha agaciro by’ukuri no gushaka impinduka, rimwe na rimwe guhangana n’ikimwaro cyo kuba utandukanye n’abandi, no kumenya uburyo ibi bigira ingaruka ku buzima bwawe no ku mibonano mpuzabitsina hamwe n’uruhare rw’abo mushobora kuba abafatanyabikorwa mu myitwarire.”
“Kuri bamwe, uburanga bwabo n’uburanga bwabo biragaragara gato,” Play yagize ati. “Urugero, niba mu mpeshyi y’ubugimbi bwawe, udashobora kwirinda kureba ibirenge by’abantu bose bambaye inkweto, kandi ukumva ushyushye kubera ibirenge, uzamenya ko ukunda ibirenge.”
Hagati aho, ku bandi, ubuhumyi cyangwa ubupfumu bishobora kuba ikintu bavumbura iyo bavumbuye ibintu, nka porunogarafiya, filime, cyangwa umukunzi mushya bibagaragariza ibintu bishya. Iyo uhuye n'ibintu bishya, uvumbura ibintu byose bijyanye n'ibyo ukunda n'ibyo udakunda, nk'uko yabitangaje.
Niba uri mu itsinda rya nyuma kandi ukaba ushaka kumenya byinshi ku mico yawe n'ubupfumu bwawe, izi nama zizagufasha.
Sparks agira ati: “Hari isuzumabumenyi rya interineti ku buntu, ryitwa ikizamini cya BDSM, rishobora kugufasha kumenya byinshi ku bibazo ushishikajwe na byo.” Ni ahantu heza ho gutangirira.”
Shyira imyitwarire itandukanye, imiterere, ahantu, n'ibintu mu rutonde rw'inkingi ukurikije uko ushishikajwe no kugerageza, maze urutonde rwa "yego-oya-wenda" rushobora kugufasha kumenya ibintu bishimisha umubiri wawe.
Hariho urutonde rw'ibintu bitandukanye byo kumenya Yego-Oya-Wenda kuri interineti. Ariko kugira ngo umenye ibintu bikubangamiye n'ibyo ukunda, ni byiza kugira rumwe rufite banki hasi, nk'uru rwa Bex Talks.
Yagize ati: “Nk’uko bigenda ku bantu bose, ibintu n’imimerere birahinduka.” Hari igihe ibintu bigushimisha uri mu kigero cy’imyaka 20 bitaba bifite igikundiro kimwe. Ariko uko turushaho kumenya imibiri yacu n’ibyifuzo byacu, kubera ko abantu baba bashishikajwe n’ibyo bakora, dushakisha ibintu bitandukanye.”
Kuva kuri videwo kugeza kuri porunogarafiya yanditse, urubuga rwo kuri interineti kugeza ku mbuga zo kuganira, interineti yuzuyemo amahirwe yo kumenya byinshi ku bijyanye n'impimbano zawe n'impimbano zawe.
Agira ati: “Sura urubuga rwa porunogarafiya, nka Royal Fetish Films, kugira ngo uhabwe amahirwe yo kubona uko umeze mu bikorwa.” Urundi rubuga rwa porunogarafiya ni FetLife, urubuga rw’imyidagaduro n’imyidagaduro. Aho uzasanga abantu benshi nkawe barimo gushakisha, ubunararibonye cyangwa amahugurwa.”
Avuga ko binyuze kuri izi mbuga, uzashobora gusoma inkuru zabo ndetse wenda ubaze umuyobozi w'itsinda ikibazo kimwe cyangwa bibiri ku mico yawe cyangwa uko bavumbuye iyabo.
Sparks avuga ko kumarana umwanya mu gace utuyemo no mu gace kawe katameze neza bishobora kugufasha gusobanukirwa neza igitsina cyawe n'imibonano mpuzabitsina yawe.
Agira ati: “Kumenya imipaka yawe bwite bishobora kugufasha kumenya icyo ushishikajwe no gushakisha aho kumenya icyo ushishikajwe nacyo.”
Ibyo uziga bizatandukana bitewe n'ibintu runaka ushishikajwe no gushakisha. Ariko uko byagenda kose: ni ngombwa.
“Uburezi bugomba kubanza ubunararibonye bwawe, cyane cyane iyo bigeze ku kintu cyose kijyanye no gukoresha imbaraga nyinshi, ububabare, kwifata, cyangwa ikindi kintu cyose gishobora gufatwa nk’aho ari ikibazo gikomeye,” Play yagize ati. Ubu burezi ni ingenzi kugira ngo wowe n’umukunzi wawe mugire umutekano mu buryo bw’umubiri, mu buryo bw’amarangamutima no mu buryo bw’umwuka.
Kuri ubu buryo bwo kwiga, asaba gushaka umuhanga mu by’imibonano mpuzabitsina—urugero, umwarimu w’imibonano mpuzabitsina, umuvuzi w’imibonano mpuzabitsina, umujura w’imibonano mpuzabitsina, cyangwa umukozi w’imibonano mpuzabitsina.
Queen ashimangira ko abakora imibonano mpuzabitsina bazagira ubunararibonye bwinshi muri ibyo bice byombi, bigatuma baba amahitamo meza yo gushakisha amarangamutima cyangwa ubupfumu ku nshuro ya mbere.
Agira ati: “Inzobere zishobora kuba zifite amakuru menshi ku bibazo bitandukanye, kandi biroroshye kuganira na zo no kubiganiraho, kandi bishobora kumera nk'ahantu ho gusesengura imibonano mpuzabitsina yawe.”
Niba wifuza kuganira n'umukunzi wawe, avuga ko ari ngombwa guhitamo umukunzi wumva wishimye kuvugana na we - n'undi muntu.
Yagize ati: “Ndetse na mbere yuko ukina imikino itandukanye y’imibonano mpuzabitsina n’umuntu, ushobora kumenya uburyo yumva amerewe neza mu bijyanye n’imibonano mpuzabitsina, uburyo byoroshye kuvugana na we, ndetse no kumenya niba agaragaza ibyemezo ku mahitamo y’abandi mu bijyanye n’imibonano mpuzabitsina kugira ngo umenye niba ahuye neza n’uwo muntu.”
Ni byiza guhitamo umukunzi usanzwe wumva neza uko umubiri wawe umeze (n'undi muntu) kandi witeguye gukorana nawe mu bushakashatsi bw'ibanze.
Amaherezo, ntacyo bitwaye niba ibintu ukunda mu mibonano mpuzabitsina bishyirwa mu byiciro by’ibihuha, ibinyabupfura, cyangwa nta na kimwe muri byo! Ariko shakisha icyakuzanira ibyishimo mu buryo butekanye, bwisanzure kandi bw'ibyishimo.
Gabrielle Kassel ni umwanditsi w’imibonano mpuzabitsina n’imibereho myiza ukorera i New York akaba n’umutoza wa CrossFit Level 1. Yabaye umuntu ukunda cyane mu gitondo, agerageza vibrators zirenga 200, arya, anywa, asukura amakara - byose abikesha itangazamakuru. Mu gihe cye cy’ikiruhuko, ashobora gusoma ibitabo byo kwifashisha n’ibitabo by’urukundo, presse cyangwa pole dance. Mukurikire kuri Instagram.
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Akazi k'amaboko si ifunguro ry'ingimbi gusa. Ni igikorwa gishimishije ku bafite igitsina bakora imibonano mpuzabitsina bose ndetse n'abafatanyabikorwa babo. Dore uko watanga…
Ku bijyanye n'ibiryo, ushobora kuba utekereza ku byo ushyira mu mubiri wawe, none kuki utakwitaho cyane ku mavuta ukoresha…