Masiku ano, zikuwoneka kuti aliyense amene ali ndi chilakolako chochepa cha chilichonse akusiya mawu oti "kink" ndi "fetish."
“Ndimakonda kwambiri ayisikilimu,” ena anganene atadya makeke okoma a mkaka motsatizana.
Ndicho chifukwa chake tapanga chitsogozo chofotokozera za ma kinks ndi fetishes. Pansipa, pitirizani kuwerenga kuti mumve kufotokozera tanthauzo la kink ndi tanthauzo la fetishes—ndipo mudziwe momwe mungafufuzire ma kinks ndi fetishes omwe angakhalepo.
Chiwembu ndi chilichonse chomwe chimapitirira malire a kugonana komwe anthu amaona kuti ndi "kwachibadwa" ndipo chimadzutsa chilakolako chogonana.
Chifukwa chomwe chimapanga kink chimadalira ngati malo anu ochezera ndi abwinobwino kapena ayi, zimadalira kwambiri zinthu zosiyanasiyana, kuphatikizapo:
Mwachitsanzo, munthu amene amamvetsera nyimbo zachikhalidwe (osatchula mawu ambiri okhudza kugonana kwa ana) angaone kusangalala kwawo ndi kugonana kwa ana m'malungo ngati chinthu chosokoneza kugonana kwa ana m'malungo. Komabe, anthu omwe nyimbo yawo yomwe amakonda kwambiri ndi "Truffle Butter" angaganize kuti amakonda kwambiri kugonana kwa ana m'malungo.
Izi zikutanthauza kuti ngati wina akunena kuti ndi wachilendo, muyenera kufunsa mfundo zenizeni kuti mudziwe tanthauzo lake. Zachidziwikire, simuyenera kufunsa ~wina aliyense~ funso lanu.
"Zinthu zofala kwambiri mwina ndi kulamulira ndi kugonjera, ukapolo ndi kuzunza anthu (ndicho chimene zilembo za BDSM zimayimira)," akutero Kenneth Play, katswiri wofufuza za kugonana komanso mphunzitsi wa kugonana, wa bungwe lapadziko lonse la Hacienda Villa lomwe limayang'anira zachiwerewere.
Malinga ndi katswiri wa zachiwerewere Dr. Carol Queen wa kampani ya Good Vibrations, pali matanthauzo ena ovomerezeka a zidole.
"Pakadali pano, aphunzitsi a zachiwerewere nthawi zambiri samafotokoza kuti zachiwerewere ziyenera kukhala mbali ya kugonana," adatero Queen. "M'malo mwake, tanthauzo losinthidwa limati zachiwerewere ndi zinthu zolaula."
Mwachitsanzo, munthu amene ali ndi tsitsi lofiira akhoza (ndi kusangalala!) kugonana ndi munthu amene alibe tsitsi lofiira, iye anatero. “Koma tsitsi lofiira likadali lapadera ndipo limatithandiza kuona zolaula m’njira yamphamvu kwambiri kuposa pamene sizinali,” iye anafotokoza.
Tyler Sparks, mphunzitsi wa zolaula komanso woyambitsa Organic Loven, imodzi mwa masitolo akuluakulu ochezera pa intaneti omwe ali ndi BIPOC, akuti kusiyana kumeneku nthawi zina kumatanthauzidwa ngati kusiyana pakati pa zosowa (ma fetishes) ndi zomwe amakonda (ma kinks).
“Winawake adapeza kuti kuvala nsapato zazitali panthawi yogonana kumabweretsa chisangalalo,” iye anatero. “Koma amene amafunika kuvala nsapato zazitali panthawi yogonana kuti asangalale amakhala ndi nsapato zazitali.”
Nthawi zina kusiyana kumeneku kumatanthauzidwa ngati kusiyana pakati pa kudzutsidwa mwachindunji ndi kugonana kwina, malo, kapena mphamvu (kugwedezeka) ndi kudzutsidwa mwachindunji ndi chinthu, chinthu, kapena gawo la thupi losakhala la maliseche (losabadwa).
Ngati mukuyesera kudziwa ngati chinachake ndi cholakwika kapena chonyansa, mungadzifunse mafunso ena:
Inde. Mwina muli ndi chizolowezi komanso chilakolako cha kugonana. Kapena zonse ziwiri. Mwina muli ndi masiku ena omwe amamveka ngati chitsiru, ndipo ena amakukondani.
"Kufufuza zonsezi kumaphatikizapo kukhala wokonzeka kuonera zolaula, kukhala woona mtima pa zomwe umaona kuti ndi zofunika kwambiri ndikupeza njira yoti usinthe, nthawi zina kuthana ndi manyazi okhala wosiyana ndi ena, komanso kudziwa momwe izi zimakhudzira moyo wako komanso kugonana komwe munthu amene angakhale naye pachibwenzi amachita," adatero.
“Kwa anthu ena, ma fetish awo ndi ma fetish awo ndi owonekera pang'ono,” anatero Play. “Mwachitsanzo, ngati m'chilimwe cha achinyamata anu, simungalephere kuyang'ana mapazi a aliyense wovala nsapato, ndikumva nyere chifukwa chowona mapazi, mwachibadwa mudzazindikira kuti mumakonda mapazi.”
Pakadali pano, kwa ena, chizolowezi kapena chiwerewere chingakhale chinthu chomwe amapeza pofufuza zinthu, monga zolaula, makanema, kapena wokondedwa watsopano chomwe chimawawonetsa zinthu zatsopano. Mukakumana ndi zinthu zatsopano, mumapeza mitundu yonse ya zinthu zomwe mumakonda komanso zomwe simukonda, adatero.
Ngati muli m'gulu la anthu otere ndipo mukufuna kudziwa zambiri za makhalidwe anu oipa, malangizo awa adzakuthandizani.
"Pali mayeso aulere pa intaneti, otchedwa mayeso a BDSM, omwe angakuthandizeni kudziwa zambiri za zovuta zomwe mukufuna," akutero Sparks. "Ndi poyambira pabwino."
Ikani makhalidwe osiyanasiyana, makonzedwe, malo, ndi zinthu pamndandanda wa mizati kutengera chidwi chanu chofuna kuyesa, ndipo mndandanda wa "inde-ayi-mwina" ungakuthandizeni kuzindikira zinthu zomwe zimasangalatsa thupi lanu.
Pali mndandanda wosiyanasiyana wa Inde-Ayi-Mwinamwake pa intaneti. Koma kuti mudziwe makhalidwe anu ndi zinthu zomwe mumakonda, ndi bwino kukhala ndi imodzi yokhala ndi banki pansi, monga iyi yochokera ku Bex Talks.
“Monga momwe zimakhalira ndi zochitika za anthu, zinthu ndi zochitika zimasintha,” iye anatero. “Nthawi zina zinthu zomwe zimakusangalatsani muzaka za m’ma 20 sizimakhala ndi chikoka chofanana. Koma pamene tikuyamba kuzindikira bwino matupi athu ndi zilakolako zathu, chifukwa anthu mwachibadwa amakhala ndi chidwi, timafunafuna zochitika zosiyanasiyana.”
Kuyambira pa makanema olaula mpaka pa zolemba zolaula, ma forum apa intaneti mpaka pa nsanja zochezera, intaneti ili ndi mwayi wodziwa zambiri za zibwenzi zanu ndi zibwenzi zanu.
“Pitani patsamba la zolaula, monga Royal Fetish Films, kuti muone momwe mukuonera zolaula zanu zikugwira ntchito,” iye akutero. “Tsamba lina la zolaula ndi FetLife, tsamba la chiwerewere komanso losangalatsa. Pamenepo mupeza anthu ambiri ngati inu omwe akufufuza, odziwa zambiri komanso/kapena ophunzitsidwa.”
Kudzera m'mawebusayiti awa, iye akuti, mudzatha kuwerenga nkhani zawo ndipo mwina mufunse woyang'anira gulu funso limodzi kapena awiri okhudza makhalidwe anu kapena momwe adapezera awo.
Kucheza m'malo anu omasuka komanso m'malo osasangalatsa kungakuthandizeni kumvetsetsa bwino za kugonana kwanu komanso zachiwerewere zanu, akutero Sparks.
"Kudziwa malire anu kungakuthandizeni kuzindikira zomwe mukufuna kufufuza osati zomwe mukufuna," akutero.
Zomwe mudzaphunzire zimasiyana malinga ndi zomwe mukufuna kuzifufuza. Koma mulimonsemo: ndikofunikira.
"Maphunziro ayenera kukhala patsogolo pa zomwe mukukumana nazo, makamaka pankhani ya chilichonse chokhudza kusewera mwamphamvu, kupweteka, kudziletsa, kapena china chilichonse chomwe chingaganizidwe kuti ndi choopsa," adatero Play. Maphunziro awa ndi ofunikira kuti inu ndi mnzanu mukhale otetezeka mwakuthupi, m'maganizo, komanso mwauzimu.
Pa maphunziro amtunduwu, akulangiza kulemba ntchito katswiri wokhudza kugonana—monga mphunzitsi wokhudza kugonana, katswiri wokhudza kugonana, wobera anthu ogonana, kapena wogwira ntchito yogonana.
Queen akugogomezera kuti ogwira ntchito zogonana adzakhala ndi chidziwitso chachikulu m'magawo onse awiri, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti akhale chisankho chabwino kwambiri chofufuza zinthu zomwe zingachitike kapena zonyansa kwa nthawi yoyamba.
"Akatswiri angakhale ndi chidziwitso chochuluka chokhudza zovuta zosiyanasiyana, ndipo n'zosavuta kukambirana nawo ndikukambirana nawo, ndipo zingakhale ngati malo ophunzirira za kugonana kwanu," akutero iye.
Ngati mukufuna kufufuza ndi mnzanu, iye akuti ndikofunikira kusankha mnzanu amene mungalankhule naye momasuka — ndipo mosemphanitsa.
"Ngakhale musanayambe masewera osiyanasiyana ogonana ndi munthu, mutha kudziwa momwe amakhalira omasuka pogonana, momwe zimakhalira zosavuta kulankhulana naye, komanso ngati akuwonetsa zigamulo zokhudzana ndi zisankho za ena zogonana kuti mudziwe ngati akugwirizana bwino," adatero.
Ndi bwino kusankha mnzanu amene nthawi zambiri amamva bwino ndi thupi lanu (ndipo mosiyana) ndipo akufuna kugwira nanu ntchito pa kafukufuku wofunikira.
Pamapeto pake, sizikukhudza ngati zinthu zomwe mumakonda zokhudzana ndi kugonana zili m'gulu la zolaula, zachiwerewere, kapena ayi! Koma fufuzani zomwe zimakubweretserani chisangalalo m'njira yotetezeka, yaulere komanso yachimwemwe.
Gabrielle Kassel ndi wolemba nkhani zokhudza kugonana ndi thanzi labwino wochokera ku New York komanso mphunzitsi wa CrossFit Level 1. Wakhala munthu wokonda kwambiri zinthu za m'mawa, kuyesa ma vibrator opitilira 200, kudya, kumwa, kutsuka makala - zonsezi m'dzina la utolankhani. Mu nthawi yake yopuma, amatha kuwerenga mabuku odzithandiza komanso mabuku achikondi, bench press kapena pole dance. Mutsatireni pa Instagram.
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