A kwanakin nan, da alama duk wanda ke da ɗan sha'awar komai yana watsi da kalmomin "kink" da "fetish."
"Tabbas ina da ɗanɗanon ice cream," wasu za su iya cewa bayan sun ci kayan zaki na kiwo iri-iri.
Shi ya sa muka tattara wannan jagorar mai ma'ana game da rashin kunya da rashin kunya. A ƙasa, ci gaba da karantawa don ƙarin bayani game da menene rashin kunya da kuma menene rashin kunya - da kuma fahimtar yadda ake bincika yiwuwar rashin kunya da rashin kunya.
Rashin yarda shine duk wani abu da ya wuce iyakokin da al'umma ke ɗauka a matsayin "jima'i na al'ada" kuma yana tayar da sha'awar jima'i.
Domin abin da ke haifar da rashin jituwa ya dogara ne akan ko yanayin zamantakewar ku na yau da kullun ne ko a'a, ya dogara sosai akan abubuwa da yawa, gami da:
Misali, wanda galibi yake sauraron kiɗan ƙauye (ba tare da yawan magana ta dubura ba) zai iya ɗaukar jin daɗin jima'in dubura a matsayin abin da ke ɓata masa rai. A gefe guda kuma, mutanen da waƙar da suka fi so ita ce "Truffle Butter" za su iya tunanin cewa son dubura abin da suke so ne kawai.
Wannan yana nufin idan wani ya ce ba shi da wani abu, dole ne ka tambayi takamaiman bayanai don sanin ma'anar hakan. Tabbas, bai kamata ka yi wa kowa tambaya ta sirri ba.
"Mafi yawan rikice-rikicen da ake yawan samu sune mamayewa da mika wuya, bauta da kuma sadomasochism (wannan shine abin da haruffan BDSM ke wakilta)," in ji Kenneth Play, mai satar bayanai kan jima'i kuma mai koyar da jima'i, wanda ya kafa ƙungiyar Hacienda Villa ta duniya.
A cewar Dakta Carol Queen, masaniyar jinsi, ta kamfanin Good Vibrations, akwai wasu ma'anoni da aka yarda da su na fetishewa.
"A halin yanzu, masu ilimin jima'i ba sa bayyana sha'awar jima'i a matsayin dole ne su kasance wani ɓangare na jima'i," in ji Queen. "Maimakon haka, wani sabon ma'anar ya ce sha'awar jima'i abubuwa ne masu ɗaukar nauyin batsa."
Misali, wani mai jan gashi zai iya (kuma ya ji daɗin!) yin jima'i da wanda ba shi da jan gashi, in ji ta. "Amma jan gashi har yanzu na musamman ne kuma yana ba mu damar fuskantar batsa ta hanyar da ta fi ƙarfi fiye da lokacin da ba ta nan ba," in ji ta.
Tyler Sparks, wani mai koyar da batsa kuma wanda ya kafa Organic Loven, ɗaya daga cikin manyan shagunan yanar gizo mallakar BIPOC, ya ce bambancin wani lokaci ana bayyana shi a matsayin bambanci tsakanin buƙatu (fetishes) da abubuwan da ake so (kinks).
"Wani ya gano cewa sanya takalma masu tsayi yayin jima'i yana haifar da farin ciki," in ji ta. "Amma waɗanda ke buƙatar sanya takalma masu tsayi yayin jima'i don jin daɗin sha'awa suna da sha'awar yin jima'i mai tsayi."
Wani lokaci ana bayyana wannan bambanci a matsayin bambanci tsakanin wani abu na musamman da ya taso ta hanyar jima'i, wurin da ake magana a kai, ko kuma yanayin da ake ji (kink) da kuma wani abu, abu, ko wani ɓangare na jikin da ba na al'aura ba (fetish).
Idan kana ƙoƙarin tantance ko wani abu abin ƙyama ne ko kuma abin da ya shafi jima'i, za ka iya yi wa kanka wasu tambayoyi:
Hakika. Wataƙila kana da wani irin yanayi na rashin kunya ko kuma duka biyun. Kana iya samun wasu kwanaki da ke jin kamar an yi maka rashin kunya, wasu kuma kamar an yi maka soyayya.
"Binciken duka biyun ya ƙunshi kasancewa a buɗe ga abubuwan da suka shafi batsa, yin gaskiya game da abin da kake daraja da kuma neman mafita, wani lokacin magance kunyar zama daban, da kuma sanin yadda waɗannan ke gudana a rayuwarka da kuma rawar da kake takawa a cikin halayenka," in ji ta.
"Ga wasu mutane, sha'awarsu da sha'awarsu suna da ɗan bayyananne," in ji Play. "Idan, misali, a lokacin bazara na samartaka, ba za ka iya daina kallon ƙafafun duk wanda ke sanye da takalma ba, kuma ka ji kamar kana jin haushi daga ganin ƙafafuwa, za ka fahimci cewa kana son ƙafafu."
A halin yanzu, ga wasu, abin da suke gani kamar batsa ko sha'awa na iya zama wani abu da suke ganowa ta hanyar binciken abubuwa, kamar batsa, fina-finai, ko wani sabon masoyi wanda ke fallasa su ga sabbin abubuwa. Idan kana fuskantar sabbin abubuwa, za ka gano kowane irin abu game da abin da kake so da wanda ba ka so, in ji shi.
Idan kana cikin sansanin ƙarshe kuma kana son ƙarin koyo game da halayenka da kuma abubuwan da kake so, waɗannan shawarwari za su taimaka.
"Akwai kimantawa kyauta ta yanar gizo, wacce ake kira gwajin BDSM, wanda zai iya taimaka maka ka ƙara koyo game da matsalolin da kake sha'awar," in ji Sparks. "Wannan kyakkyawan wuri ne na farawa."
Sanya halaye, shirye-shirye, wurare, da abubuwa daban-daban a cikin jerin ginshiƙai bisa ga sha'awarka ta ƙoƙari, kuma jerin "eh-a'a-watakila" zai iya taimaka maka gano abubuwan da ke motsa jikinka.
Akwai jerin sunayen Ee-A'a-Wataƙila daban-daban a Intanet. Amma don gano halayenka da kuma abubuwan da kake so, ya fi kyau ka sami ɗaya mai banki a ƙasa, kamar wannan daga Bex Talks.
"Kamar yadda yake a kowace irin gogewa ta ɗan adam, abubuwa da yanayi suna canzawa," in ji ta. "Wani lokaci abubuwan da ke burge ka a cikin shekarunka na 20 ba su da irin wannan sha'awa. Amma yayin da muke ƙara sanin jikinmu da sha'awarmu, saboda mutane suna da sha'awar dabi'a, muna neman abubuwan da suka bambanta."
Daga batsa ta bidiyo zuwa batsa da aka rubuta, dandalin tattaunawa ta yanar gizo zuwa dandamalin hira, intanet cike take da damarmaki na ƙarin koyo game da sha'awarku da sha'awarku.
"Ziyarci shafin batsa, kamar Royal Fetish Films, don ba ku damar ganin yadda kink ɗinku ke aiki," in ji ta. "Wani shafin kink shine FetLife, wani shafin sada zumunta na fetish da kink. A can za ku sami mutane da yawa kamar ku waɗanda ke bincike, gogaggen da/ko kuma masu ba da shawara."
Ta hanyar waɗannan shafukan yanar gizo, ta ce, za ku iya karanta labaransu kuma wataƙila ku yi wa mai kula da rukunin tambayoyi ɗaya ko biyu game da halayenku ko yadda suka gano nasu.
Yin zama a yankin jin daɗinka da rashin jin daɗinka zai iya taimaka maka ka fahimci sha'awar jima'i da kuma sha'awarka, in ji Sparks.
"Sanin iyakokinka zai iya taimaka maka gano abin da kake sha'awar bincikawa ba abin da kake so ba," in ji ta.
Daidai abin da za ku koya zai bambanta dangane da takamaiman ~ abubuwan da kuke sha'awar bincika. Amma duk da haka: dole ne.
"Ilimi dole ne ya riga gogewarku, musamman idan ana maganar duk wani abu da ya shafi ƙarfin iko, ciwo, kamewa, ko wani abu da za a iya ɗauka mai haɗari," in ji Play. Wannan ilimin yana da mahimmanci don kiyaye ku da abokin tarayya lafiya a jiki, a motsin rai, da kuma a ruhaniya.
Don irin wannan ilmantarwa, yana ba da shawarar ɗaukar ƙwararren masanin jima'i—misali, mai koyar da jima'i, mai ba da shawara kan jima'i, mai satar bayanai kan jima'i, ko mai ba da shawara kan jima'i.
Queen ta jaddada cewa masu yin jima'i za su sami kwarewa mai yawa a fannoni biyu, wanda hakan ya sa su zama kyakkyawan zaɓi don bincika yiwuwar ɓarna ko sha'awar jima'i a karon farko.
"Masu ƙwarewa na iya samun ƙarin bayani game da bambance-bambancen da ke tsakaninsu, kuma yana da sauƙin tattaunawa da tattaunawa da su, kuma yana iya zama kamar wurin gwaji don bincika sha'awar jima'i," in ji ta.
Idan kana son yin bincike tare da abokin tarayya, ta ce yana da mahimmanci ka zaɓi abokin tarayya da kake jin daɗin tattaunawa da shi — haka nan kuma akasin haka.
"Ko da kafin ka shiga nau'ikan wasannin jima'i daban-daban da wani, za ka iya koyon yadda yake jin daɗin jima'i, yadda yake da sauƙin magana da shi, da kuma ko suna bayyana hukunci game da zaɓin jima'i na wasu don tantance ko sun dace," in ji ta.
Zai fi kyau a zaɓi abokin tarayya wanda gabaɗaya yake jin daɗin yanayin jikinka (kuma akasin haka) kuma yana son yin aiki tare da kai kan binciken da ake buƙata kafin a fara.
A ƙarshe, ba kome ko abubuwan da kake sha'awar jima'i an rarraba su a matsayin rashin hankali, rashin sha'awa, ko kuma babu ɗayansu! Amma bincika abin da ke kawo maka farin ciki cikin aminci, kyauta da farin ciki.
Gabrielle Kassel marubuciya ce a fannin jima'i da lafiya da ke zaune a New York kuma mai horar da CrossFit Level 1. Ta zama mace mai fara'a a safiyar yau, tana gwada na'urorin girgiza sama da 200, ci, sha, gogewa da gawayi - duk da sunan aikin jarida. A lokacin hutunta, tana iya karanta littattafan taimakon kai da littattafan soyayya, benci press ko rawa. Ku biyo ta a Instagram.
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