Kule mihla, kubonakala ngathi nabani na othanda nantoni na ulahla amagama athi “kink” kunye “fetish.”
“Ndiyayithanda i-ayisikhrim,” abanye basenokutsho emva kokuzitika ngeedizethi zobisi ezilandelelanayo.
Yiyo loo nto sidibanise esi sikhokelo sichaza ii-kinks kunye nee-fetishes. Ngezantsi, qhubeka ufunda ukuze ufumane ingcaciso yokuba yintoni i-kink kunye nokuba yintoni i-fetishes—kunye nokuqonda kwendlela yokuhlola ii-kinks kunye nee-fetishes ezinokubakho.
I-kink yiyo nayiphi na into edlula imida eqhelekileyo yoko uluntu lukubona njengesondo "esiqhelekileyo" kwaye ivuselela umnqweno wesondo.
Ngenxa yokuba into eyenza i-kink ixhomekeke ekubeni imeko yakho yentlalo iqhelekile okanye ayiqhelekanga, ixhomekeke kakhulu kwizinto ezahlukeneyo, kuquka:
Umzekelo, umntu ophulaphula kakhulu umculo welizwe (ngaphandle kokuthetha kakhulu ngeempundu) angabona ukonwabela kwakhe isondo lempundu njengento ebangela ukuba aphulukane neempundu. Kwelinye icala, abantu abawuthandayo umculo wabo othi “Truffle Butter” banokucinga ukuba uthando lwabo ngeempundu luyinto abayithandayo.
Oko kuthetha ukuba ukuba umntu uthi ungaqhelekanga, kuya kufuneka ubuze iinkcukacha ezithile ukuze wazi ukuba oko kuthetha ukuthini. Kakade ke, akufanele ubuze ~nabani na~ umbuzo wakho.
“Ezona zinto zixhaphakileyo mhlawumbi kukulawula nokuthobela, ukubotshwa kunye nokuxhaphaza (yile nto imele oonobumba kwi-BDSM),” utshilo umqhekezi wezesondo kunye nomfundisi wezesondo uKenneth Play, woluntu lwamazwe ngamazwe oluneemvakalelo zesondo oluneHacienda Villa.
Ngokutsho kwengcali yezesondo uGqr. Carol Queen wenkampani yamathoyizi ezesondo iGood Vibrations, kukho iinkcazo ezithile ezamkelekileyo zamathoyizi ezesondo.
“Okwangoku, abafundisi-ntsapho ngezesondo abafane bachaze ii-fetish njengokufuneka zibe yinxalenye yesondo,” utshilo uQueen. “Endaweni yoko, inkcazo ehlaziyiweyo ithi ii-fetish zii-supercharger ze-porn.”
Umzekelo, umntu oneenwele ezibomvu unokukwazi (kwaye onwabele!) ukulala nomntu ongenazo iinwele ezibomvu, utshilo. “Kodwa iinwele ezibomvu zisekhethekile kwaye zisivumela ukuba sibukele iphonografi ngendlela enamandla ngakumbi kunangaphambili,” ucacisile.
UTyler Sparks, utitshala we-porn kunye nomsunguli we-Organic Loven, enye yezona venkile zinkulu ze-intanethi eziphethwe yi-BIPOC, uthi umahluko ngamanye amaxesha uchazwa njengomahluko phakathi kweemfuno (ii-fetishes) kunye nezinto ezikhethwayo (ii-kinks).
“Kukho umntu ofumanise ukuba ukunxiba izithende eziphakamileyo ngexesha lesondo kubangela uvuyo,” utshilo. “Kodwa abo kufuneka banxibe izithende eziphakamileyo ngexesha lesondo ukuze bavuselelwe banezithende eziphezulu.”
Ngamanye amaxesha olu mahluko luchazwa njengomahluko phakathi kokuvuswa ngokukodwa sisenzo esithile sesondo, indawo ethile, okanye amandla (ukukrwitsha) kunye nokuvuswa ngokukodwa yinto, izinto, okanye inxalenye yomzimba engeyoyamalungu esini (isisu esithambileyo).
Ukuba uzama ukufumanisa ukuba into ethile iyinto engaqhelekanga okanye engathandekiyo, unokuzibuza imibuzo ethile:
Ngokuqinisekileyo. Mhlawumbi unesithukuthezi nesithukuthezi. okanye zombini. Usenokuba neentsuku ezithile ezivakala ngathi zibuhlungu, ezinye zivakale ngathi zinomtsalane.
“Ukuphonononga zombini ezi zinto kubandakanya ukuvuleleka kwiindlela zokuzonwabisa ngephonografi, ukunyaniseka ngento oyixabisa ngokwenene nokufumana utshintsho, ngamanye amaxesha ujongane neentloni zokuba ngowahlukileyo, kwaye uqaphele indlela ezi zinto ezidlala ngayo ebomini bakho kunye nesondo kunye nendima yamaqabane anokuba nayo ekuziphatheni,” utshilo.
“Kwabanye abantu, ii-fetish zabo kunye nee-fetish zabo zibonakala ngokucacileyo,” utshilo uPlay. “Ukuba, umzekelo, ehlotyeni lolutsha lwakho, awukwazi ukuzibamba kodwa ujonge iinyawo zabo bonke abantu abanxibe iimbadada, uze uzive unomsindo xa ubona iinyawo, uya kuqonda ngokwemvelo ukuba uyazithanda iinyawo.”
Okwangoku, kwabanye, i-kink okanye i-fetish isenokuba yinto abayifumanayo ngokuhlola izinto, ezifana ne-porn, iimuvi, okanye isithandwa esitsha esibatyhilela izinto ezintsha. Xa ufumana izinto ezintsha, ufumana zonke iintlobo zezinto malunga nento oyithandayo nengayithandiyo, utshilo.
Ukuba ukwiqela lokugqibela kwaye ufuna ukufunda okungakumbi malunga neempawu zakho kunye neenkanuko zakho, la macebiso aya kukunceda.
“Kukho uvavanyo lwasimahla olufumaneka kwi-intanethi, olubizwa ngokuba luvavanyo lwe-BDSM, olunokukunceda ufunde okungakumbi malunga neengxaki onomdla kuzo,” utshilo uSparks. “Lithuba elihle lokuqala.”
Beka iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokuziphatha, amalungiselelo, iindawo, kunye nezinto kuluhlu lweekholamu ngokusekelwe kumdla wakho wokuzama, kwaye uluhlu oluthi "ewe-hayi-mhlawumbi" lunokukunceda uchonge izinto ezivuselela umzimba wakho.
Kukho uluhlu olwahlukeneyo lwe-Ewe-Hayi-Mhlawumbi kwi-Intanethi. Kodwa ukuze ufumane izinto onomdla kuzo kunye nezinto onomdla kuzo, kungcono ukuba nolunye olunebhanki ezantsi, njengale evela kwiBex Talks.
“Njengakwimeko yabantu, izinto neemeko ziyatshintsha,” utshilo. “Ngamanye amaxesha izinto ezikuvuyisayo kwiminyaka yakho yama-20 azinawo umtsalane ofanayo. Kodwa njengoko sisiya siqonda ngakumbi imizimba yethu kunye neminqweno yethu, kuba abantu benomdla ngokwemvelo, sifuna amava ahlukeneyo.”
Ukususela kwividiyo ye-porn ukuya kwi-porn ebhaliweyo, iiforam ezikwi-intanethi ukuya kumaqonga okuncokola, i-intanethi igcwele amathuba okufunda ngakumbi malunga nee-fetish zakho kunye nee-fetish.
“Ndwendwela iwebhusayithi ye-porn, efana neRoyal Fetish Films, ukuze ufumane ithuba lokubona i-kink yakho isebenza,” utshilo. “Enye iwebhusayithi ye-kink yiFetLife, iwebhusayithi ye-fetish ne-kink yoluntu. Apho uza kufumana abantu abaninzi abafana nawe abahlolayo, abanamava kunye/okanye abaqeqeshweyo.”
Uthi ngezi ndawo, uya kukwazi ukufunda amabali abo kwaye mhlawumbi ubuze umlawuli weqela umbuzo omnye okanye emibini malunga neempawu zakho okanye indlela abazifumene ngayo ezabo.
Ukuchitha ixesha kwindawo yakho yokuzola kunye nendawo yokungakhululeki kunokukunceda uqonde ngcono isini sakho kunye neenkanuko zakho, utshilo uSparks.
“Ukwazi imida yakho kunokukunceda ubone ukuba yintoni onomdla wokuyihlola hayi into oyifunayo,” utshilo.
Oko uza kukufunda kuya kwahluka ngokuxhomekeke kwizinto ezithile onomdla wokuzihlola. Kodwa ke nokuba kunjalo: kuyimfuneko.
“Imfundo mayibe ngaphambi kwamava akho, ingakumbi xa kufikwa kuyo nayiphi na into ebandakanya ukudlala ngamandla ngamandla, intlungu, ukuzibamba, okanye nantoni na enokuthi ithathwe njengeyingozi,” utshilo uPlay. Le mfundo ibalulekile ukugcina wena neqabane lakho nikhuselekile ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokweemvakalelo nangokomoya.
Ngolu hlobo lokufunda, ucebisa ukuba kuqeshwe ingcali yezesondo—umzekelo, umfundisi-ntsapho wezesondo, ingcali yezesondo, umntu osebenzisa i-hacker yezesondo, okanye umntu osebenza ngesondo.
UQueen ugxininisa ukuba abathengisi bemizimba baya kuba namava amaninzi kuzo zombini ezi ndawo, nto leyo ebenza babe lukhetho oluhle kakhulu lokuhlola ii-kinks okanye ii-fetish ezinokubakho okokuqala.
“Iingcali zinokuba nolwazi oluthe kratya malunga neengxaki ezahlukeneyo, kwaye kulula ukuthetha nokuxoxisana nazo, kwaye zingafana nendawo yokujonga isini sakho,” utshilo.
Ukuba ungathanda ukuphonononga iqabane lakho, uthi kubalulekile ukukhetha iqabane oza kukwazi ukuthetha nalo — kwaye ngokuchaseneyo.
“Kwanangaphambi kokuba ubandakanyeke kwiindidi ezahlukeneyo zemidlalo yesondo nomntu, ungafunda ukuba bakhululekile kangakanani ngokwesondo, ukuba kulula kangakanani ukunxibelelana naye, nokuba bayavakalisa na izigwebo malunga nokukhetha kwabanye ngokwesondo ukuze babone ukuba bayafanelana na,” utshilo.
Kungcono ukhethe iqabane eliqhelene nolwimi lomzimba wakho (kwaye ngokuchaseneyo) kwaye elizimisele ukusebenza nawe kuphando olufunekayo.
Ekugqibeleni, akunamsebenzi nokuba izinto onomdla kuzo ngokwesondo zichazwa njengezinomtsalane, ezinomtsalane, okanye azikho! Kodwa jonga into ekuzisela uvuyo ngendlela ekhuselekileyo, ekhululekileyo neyonwabisayo.
UGabrielle Kassel ngumbhali wezesondo kunye nokuphila kakuhle oseNew York kunye nomqeqeshi weCrossFit Level 1. Ungumntu othanda izinto zasekuseni, evavanya ii-vibrators ezingaphezu kwama-200, esitya, esela, ehlamba ngamalahle - konke oku egameni lobuntatheli. Ngexesha lakhe lokuphumla, unokufunda iincwadi zokuzinceda kunye neenoveli zothando, i-bench press okanye umdaniso we-pole. Mlandele kwi-Instagram.
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